"you have a hollowed out heart,
but it's heavy in your chest.
i try so hard to fight it but it's hopeless."
[ for the love of a daughter || demi lovato. ]
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over the last week, i've been there for everyone else. the only reason my best friend cuts himself is because of his ex girlfriend and he feels like no one loves him. i was the only one there for him, when he needed it. the only reason my best friend starves herself is because she thinks she's fat and ugly. and they're is me. my story is a mess.
it all started in primary school, year four when i was 9 / 1O. i was called fat and ugly, pushed around by the prettier girls in my class. they would let me be with them, but after a while they would push me down. i became friends with two girls called chloe and summer. later did i begin to know that was a mistake. they used me. after a week, they knew all about me. about my life, about my family. and about my weaknesses. they used it against me, spreading information to a girl named georgia who could made you want to cry whenever she got information. and the bullying started, they would talk trash about me, push me out of everything that happened. i began to feel like inferi. my parents found out and they went in to see the teachers, everything was sorted out. well, no story has a happy ending. next year came, we moved up to year five. and it started again, i became friends with a girl named melissa. she meant everything to me then, and still does now. chloe and summer had become my friend again and when they gained melissa as a friend, it started again. they formed a group, IHA, standing for i hate amy. they wrote hateful comments in a little pad and spread them round. every move i made, they followed. every step i took, they took after me. they covered it up with saying the name was incredibly hot apples, but only a few people knew the real meaning. my parents went in again, and the teacher instead of sorting it out, said 'it's just what girls do.' and the situation continued, the hateful comments and rude names. then came year six, the year everything changed. i'd stayed friends with chloe and summer, i don't know why but it was the only way i was 'popular' in the school. and yet again, the bullying started again. but this time, they included a boy named callum. callum was a boy you didn't want to mess with, he could tear you apart in a insult and the girl knew that. i sat next to callum in ever lesson, and through that lessons he would stay me with pins and drag a sharp pencil down my arm. it resulted in him pushing me into the metal coat pegs at the christmas party and me missing out on a great party. the new teacher, sorted everything out and sooner or later everything was forgotten. then came high school, the two girls moved but i still had callum to put up with in high school. and still, without the two girls the bullying started again. this time by another two girls called bethany and sian. they would just gang everyone up on me and call me names, every single day. sian would follow me home, and shout things down the streets. and it tore me apart. it carried on for another couple of months, before pastoral stepped in and stopped it.
as all my bullying went on. i slit my wrists, tried to drown myself in the bath, tried to run myself over and spend my time in the room crying.
and i feel the pain again, the rage inside my head screaming at me. ever day since year seven, i've fake a convincing smile and i've pretended everything was okay, even though it isn't. the only reason i've made this set is because i needed somewhere to rant to. my parents don't care about me, they care more about my little sister. and screaming my head off in my room doesn't help. if you're reading this, please know i'm here for you.
from my bullying, only one positive result came out of it. i found my best friend, rebecca. ever since then, she's been there for me. it feels like i can trust her and i can always have her there for me. even if she isn't. she is the lily to my miley. and the emma to my andrew. even if i am a moody b!tch, i know she will accept me as i am.
crystal // amy. x ♥